Before my CAFAA recovery, I was using an organic large 70% cacao dark chocolate bar several days a week, slightly less chocolate on other days, and an almond milk chai several times a week to hide an enormous amount of fear.
When high on caffeine, all fears were lifted, I was the jazz singer and guitarist extraordinaire with no stage fright, and became very social and talkative. At times I blurted out reactions to others that caused distress to all concerned, my sleep was disrupted; the acidity of the chocolate and chai caused my stomach to ache and subsequent medical appointments reaching thousands of dollars at top medical clinics. All tests came back normal yet my stomach continued to hurt in an alarming and distressing fashion.
I found CAFAA and became abstinent through the supportive fellowship, CAFAA meetings, my sponsors, and through working the 12 steps. My hot drinks at Starbucks and Peet’s now include steamed almond/soy milk with cinnamon sprinkles, and herbal teas with alternative milks to make them rich and creamy. Sometimes I add a little honey to increase the flavors, and I find these drinks nourishing and calming.
I also notice that my reactions to others have greatly improved as I have more time to think and pause before I react now that I am caffeine free; this means less to make amends for later. My sleep is greatly improved, and my stomach problems are 90% resolved. When I perform during a music gig I sing and play for my Higher Power.
My Higher Power has become my best friend and I never feel alone anymore. My Higher Power is always a prayer away anytime, anywhere.
I am so grateful for this fellowship and the 12 steps, and most especially my beloved Higher Power.
Bari